29th April 2016 – written by Allison
You don’t do it deliberately, it just happens, your mind wonders, a thought pops in, a memory plays and the pain at times is unbearable.
At other times, there’s calmness – an acceptance of this new reality – life without a living Calvin.
I will always be his mother and he will always be my child, my boy, a HUGE part of my reason for being.
Just as he will always be Shannah’s soul mate and Morgan’s Daddy he will be a part of our family and friends.
At his 21st I spoke about BC and AC – before Calvin and after Calvin. I can tell you he changed me, he made me strong, he made me weak,
he challenged me, he drove me crazy, and he taught me to touch and what mothers love is…
I loved being pregnant, I loved breast feeding, I loved dressing him, I loved that demanding baby who wanted to be touched, needed to be near,
was either on my back or on my bed or being rocked by my mother or my sister. I loved his playful spirit that was there from very young, that sharp intelligent brain …..
His first word was FLY
At 12 months when he got a swing set, he didn’t swing, he climbed.
At 24 months when Venetia and I went to get him a bicycle, he’d test driven it and she had to pick it up to go and pay for it and he screamed on the top of his voice
‘ give it back to me or I’ll swing you by your tits” no really – my 16 year old sister went every shade of red.
He was terrified of a frog that wasn’t there
He had an imaginary friend that went everywhere with us; for years we had to walk slower, wait for him to get on the bus,
make room for him on a crowded bus. And of course said imaginary friend made the mess, misbehaved and told the stories J
He utterly adored his Gramps and Granny – Grannys best, she would call him Calli-baby was another
He ran down the streets of Yeoville showing everyone he past, his new pair of shoes
He loved new clothing and new hair styles and later a new mobile, new computer
He slid backwards down a slide and caused chaos at pre-school getting children to follow him and hurting themselves.
He made paper balls and threw them around the class; distraction was so much more fun
He raised his eyebrow Tom Selleck style at ladies getting on the bus; he winked at them and charmed them
He lost his first tooth his first year at King Edwards (and I cried)
He jumped off the wall superman style
He started a fire in the back room
He stopped me daily while walking home and said “I just need a hug”
His hugs were notorious in our lives
He climbed a tree and stayed there while after school searched frantically for him
He climbed onto the roof of a house in yeoville and then couldn’t get down
He stopped me climbing onto a bus to show me the rainbow which was water and an oil spill; I’ve told that story so many times because to me that was Calvin, he always found something to be amazed by or amused by
He was in standard five when he sat and calmed a girl down who had had a death in her family
He would tell me about the sunset and the colours
He dated all the girls in boarding school
He played basketball and wore HUGE t.shirts and had YO “written” on the back of his hair/head
He played cricket
He played soccer; the goal keeper that caused stirs and whispers at matches. He played fair until you fouled him and then he got you back and that’s what the whispers were about.
He loved watching soccer for hours and planned on going to a world cup.
He played rugby and broke an arm and yes I had told him not to play rugby
He even went to ballet classes, bet you didn’t know that – it was to help him with focus and balance – imagine what that would have done to his goal keeper image !
He flew to my sister in America for his 16th birthday – at a time when roll-a-skating was EVERYTHING in his life.
He had a learning disability and in standard six I was told he would never ever complete high school; he did. In fact I was told not to put him into main stream school; a testament to his perseverance and determination. Of course he used it when he didn’t want to do something.
He loved school he said – just a pity about the lessons he would add
He could apply that sharp mind to anything and learn – how to dissemble a radio, how to build a computer, how to hack a computer, how to write a program, design, draw, make and do.
He could EMCEE with the best of them with wit and charm and intelligence.
He loved food and cooking and creating
He enjoyed chefs and kitchens and gadgets and had an amazing idea which was launching next month
He was vibrant, he was colourful, he was confident, he was cheeky, he was well mannered but hey, life with Calvin was by no means easy; he was verbal, could be demanding, needed information, and was busy all the time.
If he needed to do something it had to happen now …. need to walk – now, need to swim – now, needed to understand, wanted what he wanted now, could throw a wobbly second to none, could manipulate, could be stubborn and pig headed. And he pretty much stayed the same; he nagged better than me if or when he wanted something – mercilessly.
Life with adult Calvin was definitely roller coaster , at times, taught with emotions – we fought, I fought, I feared, I nagged, I lectured, we argued, I tried so very hard. We also laughed and shared a weird sense of humour. And I could tell him the bizarre; in fact I could tell him anything. And I know this about Calvin, his intentions were always good. He intended to start a new successful business he was passionate about, to provide and care for his family; he intended to be the best father, partner, soul mate.
Calvin ….
Was a legend to his friends
He loved music and DJing
He loved to play
He loved food
He loved pasta best
He loved to cook
He loved to laugh
He loved to love
He was loved
He loved his wife Shannah
He loved and respected her family, Gayle, Bryce, Terrin and their extended family
He left a legacy of love and he loved her so much; their precious daughter Morgan.
She has a special way when she talks about him and he had the same; a softness and his laugh for her and about her when sharing a story was so special.
I am and will always remain grateful for the time we had the living laughing loving Calvin
We have some adjusting to do now my boy. And when it aches beyond words like it has the past few days, I will remember that you are at peace.
Thank you all for being here today; thank you for the love and caring and especially thank you for being there for Shannah and Morgan. There is no measuring of pain – I know this – yet somehow I think a loss of a husband, a dream, a future together is exceptionally hard ……. May you find strength Shannah in the memories.
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